I swear I don't know how this crap happens to me.

Weird things of the past few months:

• Back to the whole "I've seen you before" fun-with-identifying-someone, in the local mall where I work they have these dumb advertisements for a photography studio. It's one of the expensive ones, where they put the portrait on an actual canvas and stretch it or whatever. Anyway, there are these fine pics, usually of a Lamar-county whiteboy in his saggy pants, showing drawers, no shirt on, bling bling on, hat sideways with a do-ray underneath, arms crossed in a 'kiss my ass' posture, and leaning against a camaro. I couldn't ever make this bullcrap up if I tried to. Well anyway, there's this one portrait of a typical high-maintenance blonde from Canebrake, leaning against a fence. The prominent focal point of this picture however happens to be this girl's deformed forehead. It's so large, in fact, I named the portrait "Bonk's Revenge" after the old Turbo-grafx 16 game of yore.

This girl had a head that's only good use was for destruction. Everytime I went to the mall, I'd often ignore (or at least attempt to, hey! I'm a man) the Victoria's Secret 'come look at me' storefront windows in favor of gazing upon Bonk's striking features. Pardon the pun, if you will. Well one day, it happened. I saw this girl at Schlotzky's. I was with my friend/coworker and as I casually sipped on my diet soda, I glanced over at the window in the northeast corner of the building, and there sat Bonk, in all her forehead glory! I tried my best not to stare, but it eventually degraded to me with sunshades on giggling manically, while my coworker tactfully blurts on "Holy S***! It is Bonk!" That pretty much summed up my reaction too, Mr. Pottymouth. One day Bonk disappeared from the mall. I will find another advert for this company one day and post a picture of bonk so you can see how wonderful her cranium really is.

I found the stupid picture below googling 'Bonk'. I think they're retarded.

• Another thing that happened was just today, as a matter of fact. I started the day off with a nutritious breakfast of a pop tart, a tabasco slim jim, a diet dr pepper, an oatmeal cream pie, and that staple of this time of year, the Cadbury's Cream Egg. Yes, it's safe to start recollecting the commercial for these, with the adorable bunny (Fatal Attraction anyone?) clucking like a hen laying an egg! How CUTE! Anyway, I didn't actually down all of this stuff, but I bought it and kept the junk stashed away in case I needed a fix on the way to Mobile today. On highway Bloody 98, I cracked this egg open, and started licking the filling out of it. I was enjoying it so much that I drooled onto my freshly-crisped dress shirt. CRAP, I said as I tried to dab it off. Right then my passenger yells DUDE!!!! and then....THUD. Apparently I hit a big, square, plastic...thing. I have no clue what it was but it grabbed a sure hold of the undercarriage of my hooptie. We had to stop and pry it out from under there. I brought it home with me, and intended to take a picture of it just now, but I have no inclination to because A.)It's 3:16 in the morning and B.)I got sick on the way down there, which leads me to...

• Why the hell do parents manage to contract whatever upper respiratory AIDS their kids bring home from school? ALWAYS? I'm sick of this. Or, actually and more probable, the spore count from all this Katrina-caused mold growth has brought back my hacking. As many of you know, I managed to swallow and breathe and nice amount of gasoline in the aftermath due to our desperation to siphon it out of any destroyed vehicle we could find/get to. Since then, I've had bronchitis no less than 4 times and I think it's coming back again. I'm probably a moron. Am i? Yeah, I think so. I should have taken up smoking instead.
  

On second thought, I'm going to go play video games now.