I haven't had a chance to update lately. You know, being idle, sloth, and all of that.

You know, a friend of mine ran over my rose bushes. I still haven't figured out how the hell he did it, or why, or what he was doing when it happened. He managed to miss the cheap bush, but plastered the two that had serial numbers and pedigrees and a stamp tied around them that said 'asexual reproduction prohibited by law'. I'm debating choking him. Not that it would bring them back. So there. You owe me a pack of Boddington's for the $45 worth of roses, YOU HEAR ME?!

I'm not totally enraged at you, mind.


=====

So I found a copy of Gary Numan's "The Pleasure Principle". If you have not heard this cd, drop what you are doing and order it. You won't find it at the local yokel music shop. Yes, it's the guy that did the song 'Cars' but it's so much more than that. It's moog, strings, drums, synth, and a glimpse into a machine future. I also picked up The Cure's "Disintegration" (FINALLY) and can't keep fighting the urge to wear dark eye makeup and poof my hair up, teased to the ceiling. I already have started by getting an English-type driving/rain wool coat. I have the boots.
Oh, why bother. It'd be lost on the local rednecks who would accuse me of being anything from a homosexual to a maniac. (I have a weak defense for the maniac part). I mean, it's autumn and to cheer myself up I spend thousands on those around me when I really shouldn't. It works for a few gleaming moments and then fades. So I produce the debit card again.

Synth landscapes of depression, rain, clouds, thunder noises. It's too much. Echo and the Bunnymen, the Cure, Sisters of Mercy, all lead back to Joy Division.

If things keep going this way I may go buy 'the Downward Spiral'. Watch out then. Angst to the max from someone pushing thirty.
Makes me recall this moment I was listening to that cd once, I was around 15 or 16. It had me in this mood I can't describe. I laid down in the closet area of the hotel room while my friends were picking on me about it and playing the Super Nintendo to pieces. That cd does something unhuman to me and if you EVER see me with it, shoot it out of my hand. I was going to DISNEY WORLD for God's sake and couldn't get out of my funk.

====


so I have a bag of depression meds at home. Waiting to be taken, but I won't take them. Hard headed? Proud? Scared of what they do to me? A combination of all of it? Who knows.

"kiss me goodbye" pushing out before i sleep / it's lower now and slower now the strangest / twist upon your lips but i don't see and i don't / feel but tightly hold up silently my hands / before my fading eyes and in my eyes your / smile the very last thing before i go...


i will kiss you i will kiss you i will kiss you / forever on nights like this i will kiss you i will / kiss you and we shall be together...


Wow.