Reporting to you live from Gimp’s office, this is Gimp for GimpsWorld News.

Ok, now this is just rediculous. StinkyfartWoman has just microwaved her…..lunch…if you are so-inclined to call it this. It hit me like 200 cubic yards of monkey flatulence as I walked around the cube and out of my office. I waddled over to my coworker, and in our usual banter, asked the following: “Yo, beyotch, where be the lunch up in this piece?” He, as usual, mumbled something noncommittal. The only thing I heard was “mmmm 10 minutes zzzczxcvzxvkljadjadf.” I asked him did it require 10 minutes of his time due to some “personal time”, which I said very derisively and sarcastically, to which he further mumbled. I told him that I would be in my office, touching myself in anticipation of our departure for lunch. Hence, I am here, typing this update to you wonderful young’uns.

I still am being assaulted by Stinkyfart’s cooking. It’s a combination of the worst frozen microwaveable meal, coupled with cheap soda, garlic, rancid anchovy paste and something that’s supposed to be ‘asian cuisine’. It’s about as appetizing as the thought of downing an ice cold glass of clam juice with purple pixie stik powder mixed into it for good measure.

…wait…what’s this? She’s MUMBLING! She just went “Oooohhh, mmmm.” and turned the page to something else. Then she farted and clinked around her plastic fork, which she insists on you giving back to her if you should ever ask to use. She has a wonderful collection of plastic ‘silverware’, which she washes and reuses. Now, the only thing I use them for is when she’s in the bathroom grunting. I go into her office and jimmy the thermostat off 79F Heat and turn it onto 70F Cool, where normal people tend to reside. It’s like the heat makes her flatulence that much more appealing to me.

I am going to go harrass monkey nuts to see if he is ready to go to lunch yet.

Stay moist, people.

Quote of the day!

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."

- Hunter S. Thompson